inspiration?

i've always felt awkward when i hear people say things like "i get so inspired doing.. such n such.." what do you mean, inspired? i guess i'm too much of a realist to be "inspired". i think of myself as a pretty creative person. more so in my day than now, but i definitely like aesthetic appeal. i hate artsy fartsy people though. the ones that find beauty in everything? yeah. the ones that hug trees. i find them so naive. but as i've said time and time again, i'm so much of a cynic i believe i'm missing out on the simple things.

this being said, i had decided to take my day off and drop the kid off at his daddy's and explore atlanta. something happens every time i come into the city with all of buildings touching the sky. i love it. it is almost like falling in love. i took it for granted when i lived there. i hated it. looking back, i'm not sure that i hated the city.. i just hated being away from the person i thought i loved. i should have really given it a chance.


i went through the rich neighborhoods, the "artistic" neighborhoods (the craftsmen style houses i HAVE to own one day), the traffic.. i loved it all. i get this giddy feeling inside. i almost can't contain it. while i was there, i had so many thoughts running through my head about how to decorate this room of mine. i got so excited, i dropped $80 at the container store.. oh i wish i had an atlanta-sized budget! ha. everything is so much more there.

today, luke had a doctor's appointment today in macon. i never get a monday off so i decided to make the most of our trip. we drove downtown and i decided rather than eating at mcdonalds, we would find a hole in the wall to eat at. although it isn't a hole in the wall, we went to the joshua cup. it has that old feel. the high ceilings, the art everywhere, the rickety hardwood floors, etc. it was fun. he enjoyed and the food was amazing.

so. this long winded post is to say: i definitely think atlanta will be home one day. i think it inspires me.

i'm falling apart.

a lot has happened since that last post. i've been having "issues" with my bowels. (haha) so i went to the dr. i'm on a medication for that now.. i also had bloodwork done because i just had a feeling that something wasn't right with my body. a week and a half later, i got a phone call saying i had hypothyroidism (the kind that makes you fat). yay me! next course of action would be the obligatory synthroid dosing and periodic blood work to make sure my thyroid hormone is stable. right now, i'm on a starter dose of 50mcg. i was feeling pretty good for a few days. i woke up at 10am refreshed. now, my body is used to this dose and i'm beyond exhausted.. not to mention it is drying out my eyes, mouth, nostrils, and even my skin! it caused two different times of pink eye.. it is always something i suppose.

fall is the in the air (or at least in the stores) the temperature still hasn't gotten low enough to enjoy the outdoors yet. dang this 90+ degree weather! luke has already gotten his batman costume for halloween. i think the fact that it is my favorite holiday has rubbed off on him. he just can't wait! i'm so thankful for that kiddo.

more as it comes..

...I may actually start dating!

i have a 'meeting'. with someone of the opposite sex. this is what i have been praying for for a while now. ' God, just please send me someone worth the while.' enter boy. i'm so excited i may throw up. at the same time, i am so terrified i may throw up. i'm pretty sure vomit will be involved. sexy, huh. the part of me that is a cynic and pessimist really has some walls up. hopefully i will be able to find the balance between being guarded and pushing people away.


four years. and my dry spell may end. raise your glass to that! (hopefully this works.)

i'm a blogger-stalker.

i'm a big blogger-stalker. i have my list of blogs i visit daily (sometimes multiple times) because i'm nosy (nosey?) and i enjoy reading about other people's lives. i read all types of blogs: two people that met and now renovate their home for the world to see while raising their precious little daughter, one girl and her hubs with a baby on the way, people i know in real life (just trying to see what has happened since school), etc. of course there is perezhilton.com. he holds my heart. i love that man, er.. woMAN? either way, he is fun.

one thing all of the blogs i follow have in common (minus perez) is that they are all frugle with their money and they all do their own art projects around their house. i'm itching to have my own place to call home so i can pee on it and make it mine. i love design. i love textiles and paper and paint and typography. i'm a nerd! what can i say. i have so many ideas in this head of mine.

also, the frugle thing. i'd really like to sit down and read the dave ramsey philosophy. with the mounting medical bills luke and i have aquired as well as just expenses in general, this single mom is spent! i need to cut corners. make a list of musts rather than wants. cute shirt for luke or luke's ENT surgery paid for? seems like such an easy answer but it's not! i have a shopping problem and i need help!

as for the dating life= going on 4 years and still not a bite.


the end.

i'm starting to feel the "pressure" if you will, to get married. i see all of these elegant pictures of everyone i know and their partners sharing their special day. i see all of these people from my past with that ring and/or partner with that cute little baby bump. i feel a twinge of jealousy. afterall, it wasn't so long ago i was pregnant. no one else was. i did it alone. i can't complain much about that because in the end, none of it matters and the gift definitely outweighs those 9 months. i guess what i'm saying is: i really just want someone to come home to. of course, i have luke. i love luke. luke has my heart. however, i want someone to talk about my day with. someone that will love me. (most importantly)- someone to give me a back massage!!! that's all :)

i would like a male figure in luke's life. i want him to wrestle. i want a male figure in my life!

oh just complaining. just a little pity party. can i have one of those right now? sometimes this single mom life is difficult and working until 9pm is the pits. (but i have a job!! hallelujah.)

on to another.

well after that last post, i pretty much decided the person i saw in the picture wasn't that exciting in text. therefore... i believe i'm going to make the switch to match.com. (haha) there seems to be more people in my area on match that aren't on eharmony. so, we'll see. just another chapter to be closed and a new one opened.

my financial aid fell through for school this semester. what a bummer that was to find out. i'm just ready to be done; to have that bachelor's degree behind my name. i feel like there is always a hurdle in my way. such is life, i suppose.

my brother moved out of the house this past weekend. this means luke gets his own room! he is so excited as am i. i pray he actually sleeps in the room but that will take time on my part. this coming weekend i will be painting my old room a light gray color and painting the trim white in caleb's old room. i'm selling things to make this whole room makeover(s?) happen. http://robinsyardsales.com/sellerprofile.jsp?accountID=3962514

i plan to post before and after pictures of the room makeovers. until next time-

baby steps.

attempt #876 at creating a blog i won't forget about.

since becoming a single mom to my little dude 3 years ago, my dating life has been less than something to write home about. actually, i haven't been on a date in those three years. ok, nearly four considering i was single the whole pregnancy. this means no dates, hand to hold, kiss, etc. middle GA is really lacking too. i decided to take matters into my own hands--- i joined eharmony! haha.

many friends and family first asked-- what if he is a stalker/serial killer? what if he is actually 50 years old and balding?? what do i have to lose (except my life!! haha)? nothing else is happening for me! so i joined.

i have to say. patience is key when doing an online dating site. i would say for every 50 matches you receive, about 2 to 3 will catch your interest. maybe another day i will tell the story of a match named bear. yes, like the animal. his mom definitely nailed that name. i'm only 2 months in to this whole eharmony so i haven't had much success. yesterday i actually started texting (real world!!) a match. he lives in columbia, sc. hopefully he won't mind me saying that.

so we shall see. baby steps, people. baby steps.