FREEDOM, MERICA.

i picked luke up from warner robins on the third with the intention of spending time with him in atlanta until sunday. in those days, we'd go on a marta ride to centennial olympic park to see the fireworks. apparently mother nature was against the country's freedom this year for the south as we experienced torrential downpours all . week . long. everyone canceled their fireworks shows EXCEPT for olympic park. good thing because i promised this certain kid that we'd go for the second year in a row to see this shindig. so after a day of thunder and lightning, we braved it. 

i was a bit nervous as this was my first time really navigating the marta system by myself. sure, i did it at georgia state but do you know that was about 8 years ago? also, the school gave us the stops we needed to get off of so it was no brainer. not to mention there were tons of other students taking the same route. anyway, enough trying to justify the anxiety i had, we went to the inman park station and parked. from there, we took the train to the cnn center and got off. in . the . rain. i struggled to carry our chairs while still carrying my huge umbrella on the two of us. this single mom thing is so difficult sometimes. however, we got there in one, hobbling, wet piece. after spending $20 on overpriced popcorn, cotton candy, sprite, and a glow-in-the-dark necklace, we found a good spot amongst the crowd. to my surprise many people showed up despite the ridiculous weather. 

did i mention that my hair is getting curlier with age? it's awful. i didn't dry it that day. i decided it'd curl on its own with the weather outside but luke insisted that i straighten it. he said, "i hate curly hair. people will look at your curly hair and say ew." point taken. thank you, kind sir.  i straightened it and luke said, "you're so beautiful like that", by the end of the night it was a kinky mess. 

luckily, it seems the gods shined upon us and it didn't rain a drop an hour before and during the fireworks show. it was such a good show, too. i grin like a little girl when they start. what is it about fireworks? 

i was dog sitting all week for my friend, ben so we headed back to hang out with the pup. the next day we decided to bare the elements and walk to a nearby park. we found a community garden with tomatoes, strawberries, squash, etc. i just love this little community! sometimes i forget i'm in the middle of the city. 

in the end we visited three separate parks, did a lot of walking, got stuck in two downpours, opened an account at the local movie rental store (and rented a movie), and just had some overall fun. it was nice being in our new place together. i think he's really going to enjoy it. 

now.. i need to put myself out there and meet someone.

some pictures from our new apartment: (we still haven't moved in completely. that will take place on the 20th!)

pretty cupboards.

i built this by myself. who. needs. a guy?

i hung a picture!

luke's unfinished room.

and a bunch of other pictures from the long weekend: 

majestic diner with this little kid. we can walk there.

 LOVE.

meet chunji. luke's new friend.

they fell in love with each other.

he wanted to try out his shaving kit he got for christmas.

he kinda hated the feeling on his skin.

a rare, sunny moment. this is the local kid's park we walked to.

chunji was so disappointed she had to stay on the leash.

we discovered some ducks while walking around piedmont park.

this is from his first marta train ride. he thought it super cool.

the ride back? another story. think: drug deals.

fireworks in the park. it really doesn't get better than that.

they even shoot fireworks off the the buildings!

piedmont park fun. a nice break in the middle of the city.

it started rain -hard- on us. we ran for cover which came in the form of a pavilion.

we crashed an asian baby shower. whoops.

it's fun being a kid. we both jumped in puddles. we were SOAKING wet.

another update.

since watching the perks of being a wallflower, many people have said my little dude looks as though he will grow up to look just like the character charlie (actor logan lerman). after watching the movie way too many times to count  a few times,  i have to agree. in fact it sorta freaks me out.

the shape of the eyes, the hair cut, the lips, the eye brows, the nose. it's all really creepy. i do know one thing: girls are going to hate me because i'm going to be evil to them. i'm going to make some girls jump through hoops for this cute boy. 

anyway, third quarter is coming to a close at school. it seems like yesterday it was july and i was just starting the circus. it's been worth it and i've really learned so much. i've come such a long way.

i'm going to nashville on the megabus this week. i'm so freaking excited. i'll be seeing my lifelong love, butch walker. YES.

i came across this in a magazine today while getting an oil change. apparently i'm a vulgar parent. "butter bean"? i call luke "lukie dookie" and "buttcrack".. oh and my personal favorite, "farty mcfarterson".

this has to be one of my favorite pictures of all time. this was last year in pre-k. look how he just oozes that, "yeah, i'm hot" factor. i have no idea how we made such a beautiful child.

oh and look at that cute three-year-old before he knew how to give fake smiles. before he began to really have an idea of how cruel people can be. (not that he has a real clue right now.)

now look at how big! squishy face, love love love him.

sorry. having a moment. i won't be seeing his adorable little face until sunday. although i'm really excited about nashville, i'm conflicted because of him. it's a mom thing.

picture heavyyyyy

holy crap! i've been busy.

finals, two christmas parties, kid was almost hospitalized, etc... i guess pictures will explain better.

for tradition's sake, laila and i lost our minds while studying for our 

programming final and did this silly photo shoot. (lexi joined us!)

yep.. this happened (a lot). 2nd quarter in the bag!

so after finishing up my last final, i came home in the middle of the night to a kid 

with lungs not moving air well. . 

so, the doctor it was. it took 2 one hour treatments to allow us to leave the doctor. 

she even said had i not been used to this, she would have hospitalized him. 

that night, he really wanted to do something christmas related. 

however, being outside wasn't an option. christmas lights drive-thru 

at chik fila did the trick.

this cutie was given to a sweet family with two young girls.

he's so adorable.

ah! i've lost quite a few pounds! success!

i took this at a retail complex. this was after the sandy hook shooting.

tragic.

i ate two chocolates and both had the same thing inside.

hmmmmm...

we had a mom and luke day date.

i was so nice and long overdue.

i always forget how hilarious he is.

oh, and we christmas-ified the house.

a little car nap in the parking lot of the school before panel.

laila, lauren, and i at our secret santa christmas party.

laila's awesome present to me!!!

ugly christmas sweater party at fado! great times.

i want this. bad.

my sleeping friends in atlanta.

merry christmas!

im sick. boooo.

health scare number 584 of the year.

hello there, loyal readers. i apologize once again for my absence.

i have an excuse. i promise. 

my kiddo was feeling a little under the weather two weeks ago but i promised him a trip to the national fair. before we left, he threw up. weird, i thought. he never vomits. so i decided to stop in at a medstop to let the doctor take a gander. 

yikes.

there, his pulse ox was 85! yes, 85 at four years old. major concern. so after a chest xray confirming what we thought, to the ER we went. his lungs presented a dark spot.. maybe signifying pneumonia so we wanted answers. fast.

at the ER, he continued having problems moving air in his lungs. he had 2 blood gases drawn (super painful in the artery).. they confirmed a major issue with the gas exchange in his lungs. basically, his oxygenated blood was mixing with his deoxygenated blood. no bueno.  he was placed on 50% oxygen but this didn't increase his pulse ox. after a while, he was placed on 100% o2 and an ambulance ride later, arrived at the local children's hospital. there we spent two nights. grueling nights. you.can.not.sleep. in the hospital. luckily, i have amazing family to visit often and my mother who stayed with us those nights. 

in the end, it was confirmed to be mycoplasmal pneumonia .. and perhaps something else fueling the fire. but definitely mycoplasmal pneumonia. little guy was so puny, it was sad. 

we have since been discharged. as with most pneumonia, it will be a long road to recover 100%. breathing treatments and antibiotics for 14 days as well as regular checks with a pulse oximeter. he seems better. his personality is back. he has even started school again. we are just on high alert. no soccer (bummer!). no running. no outdoors fun. 

i could whine about my house and car being a complete wreck because we haven't had time to unpack or clean. i could cry because i had already used my time up for the last hospitalization so my next two paychecks will be nothing. and i guess by even mentioning it, i am. however, i am a firm believer that God does not give you more than he thinks you can handle. so i'm going to truck along in this messy environment, broke as a joke.. because you know what? the sacrifices are fine as long as my boy is with me. 

and also. thank you so much  to everyone for the prayers, calls, texts, emails, support in general. it was so humbling the people who reached out.  we really felt all of you prayers!

advice to newly single mamas.

what i have learned in the past 4 years:

- make sure you have wipes in your car and in your purse. .. you just never know. even past the age of diapers, there will be messes and you’re going to kick yourself if you don’t have them.

- use the first fews years to do what you want. do what YOU want to accomplished. this will change when it is your child’s turn to have a life. (ie- soccer games, school commitments, etc.) get everything out of your way before the age of 4. or be like me: online classes. they are fabulous.

- accept support and help! without my mom, aunts, cousin, and select few friends.. i don’t know what i’d do. it really does take a village to raise a child.. especially if you’re a single mom.

- take lots of self portraits with your child! if you don’t, you’ll never have pictures of yourself with your child. don’t think it’s silly; you just don’t have anyone to take them for you! i made it a tradition to take one a week when he was small. now we do them on major outings or special occasions.. like the first day of school.

- if the daddy isn’t involved, don’t sugar-coat it. they will ask. you just have to tell them the truth. this also goes without saying.. never badmouth your ex in front of your child. never.

- find a special place for just the two of you. “your space”. my son and i go to atlanta. it is 1.5 hours away. it is our place to go. only us. he thinks it is so special.

- when you do start dating, do.not. let your child meet every man you date. only the special ones. and only after you are truly certain they will be around for awhile. luke has met one man in 4 years.

- know that if and when you break up with someone, your child is breaking up with them as well. they will hurt right along with you.

- get a dependable car. seriously. you do not want to get stranded due to car problems. chances are, you don’t know how to fix the problem and without a manly man, the cost will be pricey. so bite the bullet. get something that will work and last.

  what about you other people out there? what advice do you have to share?

the greatest man i ever knew.

my grandpa was a special man. he was the only man i have known to actually be a man. he defended me against my own father before. he picked me up from school when i was young. we took walks together. we went to church, just he and i. he and i were members of the same church; the only two in our family. we had a special bond. i mean, i love all of my family.. but that man had a very special place in my heart. he was so proud of me for no reason. he would stand at the front door of the sanctuary of church with me and introduce me to the church body. he loved me. 

he knew i was strong before i knew i had it in me. he was a conservative southern baptist but do you know what he said when i told him i was pregnant out of wedlock? "it's going to be a boy!"  he was happy for me. i think he was happy to have his first great grandchild as well. 

i always said that he would be the man to give me away at my wedding. unfortunately, that day will never come as he passed away three years ago this past september 12th.  i remember him saying during some of his last words, "luke skywalker!".. and his eyes lit up as he was struggling to sustain consciousness. i love that man. 

today is his birthday. i wish so badly luke could have really known him. but in our own way, we make sure we speak to him every night. we say "God bless you, grandpa in heaven. Did you just burp?" ...and i know he is up  there wishing he could scrape his stubble across my face with his toothless grin and bear hug engulfing me. 

happy birthday, grandpa. i miss you and love you so much.

because luke insisted we have a birthday cake for him:

sorry for the picture quality; bad lighting in the kitchen 

and my phone doesn't take very good pictures!

2 things happened.. a positive and a negative.

a few things of note happened today. i'll start with the least important.

i watched blue valentine tonight. why does this matter? i believe that on this blog a few months ago, i said something to the effect of "i will never watch blue valentine." why did i say that? let me jog your memory.

i went through this break up with big c.  remember him? i thought that was it for me. he was my one. then we broke up. i was slightly devastated. (slightly, ya know... :) )... we had plans to watch blue valentine. over and over we meant to watch it but it was never available at the red box when we went. so i associated that movie with him. it's a romantic love story. top that with memories of big c. i was boycotting the movie.  then something happened to quarantine me to my house. movies were in order. blue valentine made its way into my bag and that was that. a tiny milestone if you will. it is like the burning of my bra for women's rights or something.. but not really. i like wearing bras. 

how was the movie? dragging. not nearly as good as i had anticipated. oh well. it is probably for the best.

and now for the important thing that happened today.

remember on my last post how i said luke was spiking a fever and i was crapping my brains out? i'm all better. kinda. but guess what luke's fever decided to peak at at 6am this morning? 1 0 freakin 4. 104 DEGREES, PEOPLE! i called my icu nurse mom. frantically asking if she thought it warranted an er visit.. she calmed me down. motrin and tylenol later, his fever was at 100. still not good but definitely not 104. after a strep test and blood test for mono, his strep was negative and the mono was FREAKING POSITIVE. MONO, PEOPLE. MONO. 

holy crap. we are indoors. movies, pizza (at luke's request),  and lots of fluids. that's the regimen. good grief. my poor, poor baby. his fever never really breaks. it worries me. but under strict orders, we are monitoring the degreeage (yes, i made that up) on the hour. we are making sure it doesn't get to 105 because yeah, that warrants an er visit.

prayers for my kiddo. he's so upset he is missing his soccer game tomorrow!

oh. and here are two pictures to show that my mom and i love the crap out of little dude.

 because when you have mono, grannies feel bad 

and buy you that $20 mario costume to cheer you up.

and mama's night stand boasts everything needed for a good night's rest:

tissues, tylenol and motrin, a thermometer, 

a notepad to make sure i know which med i gave last,

a book to read (God Loves Single Moms.. haha), 

and some toys for entertainment until that temp comes down.

whew. wish me luck. and again, pray for my dude.

soccer mom!

so little dude started soccer. woop woop. the first practice, it was blatantly obvious he is raised by a female with no athletic ability. yesterday, he did awesome! he even scored a goal!! woo to the hoo!

...really?

after a long night of congestion, i woke up to this:

i guess after i actually look at that awful picture, i realize it isn't as noticeable as it is in person. anyway, i've got pink eye. good grief. so. the list adds up to- 102 degree fever, strep, ear infection, coughing, congestion, and pink eye. holy. crap.

and so, life goes on.

and the questions begin..

today was one of those days i cherish because it was just little dude and i. captain america came out last night in theaters so i knew that was on the agenda for the day. after a few rounds of wii games, we got our clothes on and headed to the new theater.  we had never been there so we decided to make it an adventure and try new things. the movie was good. luke loved it as i assumed he would. 

afterward, we made a quick walk next door to stevi b's. for those without them in your town, it is just a pizza buffet place that has an arcade room for kiddos to enjoy. it was a special treat for two reasons: luke has always been allergic to pizza but has recently been able to tolerate mozzarella and because the arcade has games and.. well, he is kinda obsessed with games at the moment. 

it was the first time i've seen him visibly upset without knowing why. i could see the wheels in his little brain turning and the saddest face ever.  i asked him, "why the sad face?" he asked me why his daddy didn't come to arcade with us. why his daddy didn't live with us.  it attacked my heart. i knew this day would come. i figured maybe after school started. just not today. today was a luke and mama day. it wasn't for sad faces and tough questions. but alas, it happened. i had to give an answer as the other dad's were helping their kids collect lots of tickets from the games they played.

first, i told him that some daddies and mamas just aren't "together". they don't live together. they don't kiss. but they still love their sons and daughters. they love hanging out with them and doing fun things. i told him i was sorry his daddy wasn't with him. that he couldn't come because he lived far away. but he'd see him another day and they could have fun then. he seemed okay with this answer however, i kept catching him staring at the other dads with their kids. so, what did i do? bought $5 more in tokens so we could get a really big special prize once we cashed them in. a present always works at age four, right? goodness.

it was sobering. i know that he loves me. he knows i care so much. he still calls us a "team". but i also realize he is getting to that age where he is aware of other relationships. he is aware of the "norm" (if having two parents together is the norm these days). soon, he will be in school (like. 2 weeks. boo) and have friends who have their own house with a mommy and daddy and a brother or sister. he will bring more than homework home, i'm sure. the questioning with ensue and i'm preparing for the "right" answer. i wish so badly he had a normal life. for now, here is to hoping i can be enough. 

. . til next time.

milestone.

so, a milestone was met today. my little dude is growing up! since he'll be starting school in 2 weeks, we have a list to check off before he can be present the first day! enter. first dental cleaning.

i'll admit. i was probably a little more worried than i should have been. he does great with shots and pediatrician and allergist appointments. i just felt that if i were 4 years old and 36 inches tall, i'd be terrified with all of that huge equipment! he did great. why did i worry so much?? i did stress to the hygienist that his father and i have awful teeth. remember, i just completed TWO root canals last month. the dentist payed extra attention to his pearly whites just in case. luckily, little dude is doing well! he even loves the spacing between his baby teeth as this allows his grown up teeth to have room to come in. possibility of no braces? music to my ears! there is a questionable tooth in the very back but since little dude's mouth is too small to do x-rays, we are going to wait until january to do them. hopefully he'll have a bigger mouth then. (blessing and a curse)

 

 

i suppose this is where i should tell you that little dude is NOT  a morning person. this appointment was at 11am. YES, ELEVEN! i had to wake him up (aka- pull him out of bed from the comfort of sheets, make him really cold, then pull his clothes off. by this time he's furious but awake so then i leave him with his change of clothes and come back in ten minutes where either one- he is naked and asleep in bed or two- dressed and still mad that he's awake). he wasn't thrilled to be up at such an ungodly hour (psh) but he rose to the occasion after some coaxing. so, these pictures show you he is still half asleep and not understanding why these people are talking to him at such an early hour. he got the trait from me;  i can't get mad. he's going to have a rude awakening in two weeks! muha ha ha.. (picture evil laugh)

super epic rainbow cake

since my dear bfflzz birthday PARTY has passed tonight, i will tell you what i made! 

a little background. bffl is a lesbian. she loves all things rainbow. so.. why not do something she loves? so, i made her a cake. not just any cake. a super epic rainbow cake. 

luke and i spent around three to four hours making this baby from scratch. i'm not much of a cook but i can bake sometimes. this was the most tedious recipe i've tackled in my life though. me and whipping egg whites to a "fluff"? yeah, whatever that means. but 19 egg whites later, woot! i accomplished my goal. that is.. until we started driving. my cake didn't agree with middle georgia weather so she decided to slip and slide around in the box. i was so hurt. (yes, my cake is a female i decided) but you keep going. no going back. after some refrigeration, she was ok. not as pretty but oh well. it's the thought that counts, right?? 

i got the recipe from this site.

i haven't uploaded the end result yet. but here's a cell phone picture:

luke was hot. he was flashing some pecks. ladies- back off! and i was hot. see the glow? whew. attractive. but hey, my bffl is sexy huh??  

I LOVE YOU SARAH

xo