brief update! and happy birthday to me

today is my birthday... 28.. wow.
my mom served me breakfast in bed; love that woman.
my best friend stopped by.
countless facebook posts and text messages wishing happy birthday.
i really am loved.


christmas was good, as i hope yours was as well.
lukester loved everything he received.
the joy in a 4 year old's eyes makes it all worth it.
unfortunately, he was diagnosed with a bad case of asthma
resulting in another hospitalization on tuesday..
he was worried santa wouldn't find him in the hospital.
such a trooper.
luckily he was able to discharge early so we spent christmas at home!
...and santa may have thrown in some extra "just because" no child
should have to be hospitalized.. especially the week of christmas.


xo

the greatest man i ever knew.

my grandpa was a special man. he was the only man i have known to actually be a man. he defended me against my own father before. he picked me up from school when i was young. we took walks together. we went to church, just he and i. he and i were members of the same church; the only two in our family. we had a special bond. i mean, i love all of my family.. but that man had a very special place in my heart. he was so proud of me for no reason. he would stand at the front door of the sanctuary of church with me and introduce me to the church body. he loved me. 

he knew i was strong before i knew i had it in me. he was a conservative southern baptist but do you know what he said when i told him i was pregnant out of wedlock? "it's going to be a boy!"  he was happy for me. i think he was happy to have his first great grandchild as well. 

i always said that he would be the man to give me away at my wedding. unfortunately, that day will never come as he passed away three years ago this past september 12th.  i remember him saying during some of his last words, "luke skywalker!".. and his eyes lit up as he was struggling to sustain consciousness. i love that man. 

today is his birthday. i wish so badly luke could have really known him. but in our own way, we make sure we speak to him every night. we say "God bless you, grandpa in heaven. Did you just burp?" ...and i know he is up  there wishing he could scrape his stubble across my face with his toothless grin and bear hug engulfing me. 

happy birthday, grandpa. i miss you and love you so much.

because luke insisted we have a birthday cake for him:

sorry for the picture quality; bad lighting in the kitchen 

and my phone doesn't take very good pictures!

super epic rainbow cake

since my dear bfflzz birthday PARTY has passed tonight, i will tell you what i made! 

a little background. bffl is a lesbian. she loves all things rainbow. so.. why not do something she loves? so, i made her a cake. not just any cake. a super epic rainbow cake. 

luke and i spent around three to four hours making this baby from scratch. i'm not much of a cook but i can bake sometimes. this was the most tedious recipe i've tackled in my life though. me and whipping egg whites to a "fluff"? yeah, whatever that means. but 19 egg whites later, woot! i accomplished my goal. that is.. until we started driving. my cake didn't agree with middle georgia weather so she decided to slip and slide around in the box. i was so hurt. (yes, my cake is a female i decided) but you keep going. no going back. after some refrigeration, she was ok. not as pretty but oh well. it's the thought that counts, right?? 

i got the recipe from this site.

i haven't uploaded the end result yet. but here's a cell phone picture:

luke was hot. he was flashing some pecks. ladies- back off! and i was hot. see the glow? whew. attractive. but hey, my bffl is sexy huh??  

I LOVE YOU SARAH

xo

S's birthday

i have a good friend, S. we've been though it all. breakups, my pregnancy, breakups again, fights, gay club dates, etc. i love her. like. a lot. her birthday is coming up. while we aren't the closest like we used to be, i still consider her my closest friend. little dude loves her. i'm pretty sure she would raise him if something happened to me. she's just awesome.

so. birthday. what do i get her? money is tight so i was thinking of making her something. L and i have definitely planned one thing but what could we do for her that shows we care? thoughts?

oh, also. if anyone is on pinterest? i want an invite!

luke's birthday picture.. (late!)

this was the night before. he got to open one gift from me. he said he didn't like it.

needless to say, he received a stern talking-to

about the correct way to react about presents.

he ended up loving it until he broke it to pieces!

the morning of his birthday. he was SO excited.

he makes goofy faces on the daily.

his birthday pancakes!

the first time to blow out candles on his special day.

he kind of like ALL super heros...

at his green lantern-batman-spidey party.

it slightly got smooshed on the way to the venue.

and my main squeeze blowing out his number 4!

can't believe that kiddo is mine.

everyday he amazes me more.

four year check-up

turning four is hard work. you get this loooong break from getting routine shots and then four comes along and makes up for those years you didn't have any.

that's just what we did today. little dude got four shots and one finger prick. can i tell you that he handled it like a champ?? i was SO proud. he didn't cry at all from the finger prick, in fact he thought it was kinda cool to see his blood fill up the little sample. this checked his hemoglobin; 11. he's normal!

he had to endure his first eye exam. i have to say, i was impressed. i wasn't sure what to expect seeing as he's never done something with that much instruction. he passed. he was able to tell the nurse what shapes he saw (star, moon, circle, etc). he also had a hearing test that i *think* he did well with. it is hard to tell with four year old's. they don't exactly understand the concept of raising your hand when you hear a sound. but, he reacted so i know he can hear. (even if he does pretend not to sometimes)

he got to pee in a cup. the only directions to follow were to NOT pee on mama's hands. he didn't, i was happy. he filled the whole cup up. haha.

it was finally time for the shots. poor guy thought this was just like getting his allergy shots in his arm. he didn't cry for all 40 of those but after he realized it wasn't going to be that type of shot, he got slightly anxious.  he sat in my lap and i held his hands. before actually inserting the vaccine into his leg,  he realized how large the needle was and started to cry. two quick shots into each leg, he was done. he did cry huge crocodile tears.. but that only last for a maximum of 2 minutes. i was so proud. he's such a trooper.

before we left our exam room, i told him there were other kids in the waiting room waiting for their shots. he told me he'd better stop crying so he doesn't scare them. he did just that and received a new ball and alligator for his prize from the doctor.

so, now we are all set for pre-k. i can't believe my little boy is going to ALL DAY school! what am i going to do??  i'm so proud of that kiddo.

so, here are his stats:

36 pounds (50th percentile) -- um, can i tell you how HARD we have worked to be over 30 pounds?? he has never been on the percentile chart because he has always been so underweight. it is such a shocker that he is average now! woo hoo lukie!
41 inches tall (50-75th percentile )-- he is so excited because this qualifies him to ride the BIG waterslides at the park next week!!

DEAR LITTLE BOY,

dear beautiful little boy,

i'm not sure why God entrusted me with you but i'm so thankful he did. everyday i wake up and feel blessed to have your little fingers or toes touching my skin. your bright blue eyes and the longest eye lashes looking over at me ready to start a new day. what did i do to deserve something as precious as you? you look up to me like i have all of the answers to life's questions and while this is a daunting feeling, i still look at you in amazement that you are in my care. 

one day you are going to see that i'm only human like most everyone else. one day i'm not going to be the person who never lies to you and can answer every question or can kiss a boo boo make it feel immediately better. one day you're going to realize the childlike innocence has passed and this world isn't the greatest place. that santa doesn't exist. 

but i hope you know that no matter what, you are/and will always be my first priority. i hope that one day you look back and think of me as a strong woman rather than a lonely single mom. i hope i am able to provide both roles the best i know how.  i know you are only on loan from God and one day you'll have your own family; but for now, i'm so grateful to be the woman in your life. i'm so thankful you call us a "team". or that silly grin you get on your face when you're about to pounce on me.

you have taught me so much about myself and for that i can never thank you enough. you are my rock. you are my priority. i would do anything in my capacity to bring a smile to your face. i have learned the difference between dc comics and marvel. i will take you to the opening day of any super hero movie. i think it is incredible that you think that i'm your super hero.

thank you for trusting me. thank you for putting dateline on when i get home and i'm sad. that you for doing things you shouldn't ever have to do (ie- bring me a box of tissues when i cry). thank you for reassurance that we can still be a team of two when someone leaves our lives. thank you for innocent look on life and how you can't wait to get old so you can see grandpa in heaven again. oh, if life were so easy. 

everyone that knows me knows that i love you to the moon and back. i sure hope you know this as well. thank you for this wonderful year of being 3 and i can't wait to share number 4. 

i love you always sweet boy.

mama.

BIRTHDAY WEEK- YEAR IN PICTURES (PIC HEAVY)

'

this is what luke's year as a three year old has consisted of:

 we visited okaloosa island for the first time.

BIRTHDAY WEEK- PAST BIRTHDAYS

 

today i give you a recap of little dude's birthdays of years past.. the first birthday is below. and well, first. seeing these pictures are bittersweet. my grandpa was alive! luke was SO small. he was so underweight his first year. also, take note that his birthday party at our house is when we found out he was allergic to milk (specifically buttercream icing!). we had two parties: one on his actual birthday at our house with family and one at a nearby park building that we rented out for the mickey themed occasion! oh, i miss that wispy, thin hair. and the innocence. his wobbly gait.. he still hadn't gotten the hang out wearing shoes so notice he didn't wear any at either party!

 this is one of my all-time favorite pictures of L. 

he was a little over one month shy of his first birthday. 

i used this picture to make stamps for his 1st birthday invites.

BIRTHDAY WEEK- TOY TRIP.CAKE ORDERING

i am usually off on wednesdays. since this IS birthday week after all, i decided we cash in L's $3 off coupon card he received from geoffrey the giraffe. i signed him up for the toys r us birthday club last year so getting this card in the mail with his name on it was major. i mean, he thought he was the coolest kid in america.

our first stop was ordering the cake. about a month ago, he decided he wanted a green lantern party. of course, publix didn't have that cake design just yet as the movie isn't even out. so, i suggested the generic cake and we could put some of his action figures on it. of course this wasn't ok. he promptly picked out a batman cake. yay but hey, it's his birthday. we've had to alter the green lantern plans and now we're going for another all-super-heros-goes theme. (just like last year)

after publix, it was high time for the toy store. pretty sure he couldn't control his excitement in the back seat. you'd think the kid doesn't have toys ... except, he has so many- everyone who comes to our house is amazed.

I have pictures but both of my editing programs are getting me crap right now... will post asap. still not ok, but here we go.

he chose a batman: brave and the bold three figurine pack. he's funny. their capes must be real fabric in order for him to want it. silly boy.  anyway, toys r us made a big deal out of his birthday. they yelled it as well as gave him the above crown and balloon. woo hoo!

he had a good day. last picture i believe he said "ok mama, no more pictures."

L'S B-DAY WEEK: BIRTH STORY PART 3.

 

i was put to sleep for an emergency c-section. during the haste, i didn't mind this option. whatever it took to produce a healthy, crying baby. 

BIRTHDAY WEEK PART DOS.

 

it was around 10am. my water broke while being checked. the pain was incredible. i couldn't focus on anything other than the waves of nonstop contractions coming over me. i went from zero to ten on a pain scale in the matter of minutes. my mom was standing beside me: partly containing her excitement, partly trying to console me while in immeasurable pain. she offered her hand. i was sent into my own room at this point. i was wheeled in the wheel chair as i couldn't walk. the contractions were on top of each other.

L'S B-DAY WEEK: BIRTH STORY PART 1.

fam

my first and only born will be FOUR this coming saturday! since he may be my only kiddo, i'm dedicating this WHOLE week to my little munchkin. today, i want to share the beginning of the birth story from his OG birthday in 2007. (warning, it is a birth story. poop and other things will be involved)

party like it's your birthday.

if i know you, i'll email you the real thing.

xo

JUNE.

june activities-

1- gracie's first birthday!
4- peachtree city for the grace's birthday party. (pool party!)
5- celebrate caleb's 21st.
6- caleb's actual birthday/ school starts for me! college again. yay!
18- my baby boy will be FOUR!!!!! / day of party including a firework show!!!
26- leave for vacation/ samantha's 20th birthday


so..... yeah. there are things to be happy about!!!
woo hoo!!

plus i have a new hobby which means meeting new people.


i'm going to be alright :)