walt disney. psychic.

101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die throughout the movie.

mr. walt disney, were you ahead of your time? i think so. 

funk.

you know you how you have expectations and -as always- they always fall short? yeah, that's what is happening in this land. makes me sad slightly. but i've in a funk since i got home from the beach.

blah. that's a good explanation.

oh. and i canceled match.com.

heart vs head

i'm trying to find the place between. between what is a secret right now. soon, i'll let you know.

do you listen to your heart or your head? let me know!

july wishlist.

 

i want this. like. yesterday.

 

i hope someday i meet someone who realizes 

that this is the best present i could ever receive. 

first- it mentions bowels. 

second- it is typography art. 

(((swoon))) 

i'm planning to make one of these of luke. 

eventually, maybe one of myself. 

oh... and what about oliver? so adorable. 

 

i've only wanted this dress -for freaking ever-.

and now it's back at spotted moth after being sold out -for freaking ever-.

i can dream. isn't it dreamy???

 

i die. i want. paired with tights in the winter? 

yes, please. thank you.

 i can make this. i think it's such a good idea. 

i'd use a different font but it would be perfect in luke's room

.. ahem.. 

since he'll be starting school in less than a month and all.

so, there you have it. just a few things i've been drooling over this month!

working on anger.

Ephesians 4:26
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.

in light of recent events involving family and those close to me, i've been cultivating some serious anger. sometimes, rather than being simply hurt, i become angry. after all, how dare someone take the words i speak and change them to what they want to hear?

i've had family issues with a particular member in the past but i've always had the rest of my family to lean on as they have always had my back. i've always bragged on how close my family is; how we always see each other every sunday for dinner. truthfully, i don't know how to handle the arguing that is going on.

i'm typically not a preachy person. those people have always ignited a fire in me. i don't think that acting as though you are better than someone is ever a good thing when you are trying to witness. i don't quote bible verses but i always pray. ever since i've had another life to take care of .. have i prayed. how can i not?

 

lately, the prayer is the same. maybe i need to do a little work on being more conservative with my feelings. not always letting everyone hear how i feel. stop being so opinionated or just keeping those opinions inside. but i have been that person. i was that person for 23 years. eventually all of that bottled up emotion will spew out on the wrong person. then who is right? not me.

 

it isn't actually about being right and wrong. we all have our opinions. i feel that if you voice it, you should know that you'll have to hear a rebuttal or two and take it for what it is worth. you have to take what you dish. some people just aren't capable of that. i'm guilty sometimes. ..

 

all of this is to say that i wish my family would go back to being what we were. i've said my apologizes for my wrong doings.. but i don't think it is all my fault. i don't want to be one of those people that has the family they only see at holidays. sunday dinner is my favorite day of the week usually. i have decided to take a few weeks off from sunday dinner though. maybe for the better. let everyone cool their jets. hopefully, the reunion will be worth the while.

 

 

 

and on a positive note.

i don't ever talk about her because she is a pretty private person.. but i absolutely love my cousin S. that girl has done so much for me and my son. she watches him at the drop of a hat.. for mostly no pay. i struggle with that thought. i so wish i could give her more.. and when i get this good job after my degree, i know indebted to her for a little while. (thanks for being sane. i really appreciate and love you)

 

 

and again.

i have so many opinions on the casey anthony trial. i've been following since day one. all i will say is this: that poor child needs justice and i hope that one day, she will get just that.

midnight.

when we were out of town, a big storm hit. my computer has been out of commission until this very moment. ahh.. i hope this lasts.

rather than being at a smoke-filled bar right now, i'm at home typing this. a few reasons.

1. i hate smoke. i hate going to bed smelling said smoke. and really, i have to work tomorrow.
2. i just got home from a fireworks show with little dude and i'm pretty tired.
3. this has been one of the worst days in a while.

lets delve further. i'm a pretty rational girl. i don't like playing games. i like the honest truth. please, be up front. don't ignore me, don't act as though everything is great when really you are brewing a hatred inside. just tell me.

today  i cried. i haven't done that in a little while. you could blame it on hormones but really my feelings have been hurt all.day.long. have you ever felt like everything you say is taken  the wrong way? everyone is picking you apart?  you run to the person you want to tell this to and it doesn't really go anywhere? today is that day for me.

i'm a girl. deep down, i'm sensitive. if i say "oh maybe i won't come"... sometimes a good "oh but i want you to!" would be awesome. rather than, "ok".  i love reassurance. i need it sometimes. or keeping plans. just keep your word. compromise. it hurts my heart when things don't go as anticipated. usually i've been dying with excitement on the inside and when things go sour, it is just such a huge disappointment. 

my heart has been hurting today. various reasons. truthfully, this may all seem trivial to everyone else. but one day - i want someone to want me. all of me. my flaws. my planning. my neuroses about being in a room full of strangers. my cynicism. maybe even someone to take that cynicism away. i'm an investment really. i can be a good one if treated properly. i just hate being let down or ganged up on.

and once more. the feeling of pulling away is the toughest part.

i remember when two friends snuck into my backyard in the middle of the night to see me. what happened to that? am i too old for surprise visits at all hours of the night? i miss that.


i've been reflecting on this tonight. i have such a hard time with patience.

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.




and also. lets end with the positive that i should never let the negative outweigh.

i have a really amazing friend. when i think of her friendship and everything she, her husband, and family has done for my child and i.. it brings tears to my eyes. she always lifts me up but she isn't so "peppy" that we can't have a good laugh. her husband has always loved my son. when he was small, he'd take him to his bed and snuggle with him. he was a man to him when no one else was. tonight at the fireworks, he held my son's hand. he picked him up when he couldn't keep up with the pace. things i have never asked. mrs. t is the best friend i could have. sometimes i take for granted how much she cares for me. i hope one day i can show her how much she means in return. she has always picked me up when i'm down, been my biggest fan, and included me in anything we might find fun. her kids are the best because of those loving parents. i hope one day i'm half the mom she is. (love you girl)

i'm baaack.

i guess going on vacation is going on vacation from life. we all need that sometimes, right? but alas, i'm back now. to reality. with a broken motor to the window in my car. the darn thing broke in south georgia on my way home from florida yesterday. $300 to fix the thing. yikes! but lets not focus on the negative.

the trip was better than i had imagined. we tried new things, went new places, and experienced a few firsts for luke. i made a few hole-in-one's while playing putt putt and still lost. incredible. i never said sports was my forte anyway!

my beautiful friend kristina entered marriage yesterday. she looked gorgeous and i can't think of anyone more deserving of such a thing. it did prompt an emotion i wasn't expecting though.

i will never have a wedding. i don't mind the marriage part of it. i like a little officiality in my life. however, the act of spending lots of money to profess my love for someone in front of people and being the center of attention is not something that sounds appealing. i hate being the center of attention. i'm not a good hostess so the idea of "mingling" with guests to make sure you show your face and appreciation is something that is hive-inducing. i can understand why women love this idea. honestly, i'd love to dress up fancy shamancy and be with the one i love however, the money.. the attention. it just isn't something i think i'm capable of doing!

don't get me wrong. i want to be in love with someone. i want to find that someone i can't wait to see again and the thought of being apart makes me hurt. i like the idea of marriage and the paper and the binding. i hope one day i'm able to experience that. i hope i'm able to supply my son with someone who will be there daily. a man that loves him. a relationship i can model out of love that he can learn from.

maybe one day i'll be so lucky. wouldn't it be amazing to that reciprocated? ah! i can only dream.