in my own way.

i was reading another single mom blog and completely agreed with the content of a recent post. so, let me indulge.

under this sarcastic exterior of mine, i'm a pretty sensitive girl. i wear my feelings on my sleeve but no one realizes it. i internalize. i get knocked down. easily. i take things personal when they aren't meant to be. it doesn't matter what the situation is (not even always a dating problem), i will always pick myself up again. for myself. for my son. for my family. it may take me a little bit, but i will always get up again. in my own way.

a tad boring.

i made an 'a' in my one class. monday, i start two more. these are the classes that count. woo hoo.


in the world of rachael- i've become boring once again. i'm not looking to date anyone because i simply do not have any time. i'm content. i don't have much time to think because if i'm alone, i'm asleep. we have a strict 9pm bedtime these days. i wake up around 6am-ish and luke wakes up around 7. yep, we need our sleep. we just aren't morning people.


i've decided to surprise the parents of the children in my class with a present for christmas! i started working on it today... i'm so excited.

so................. how is everyone?

worrying.

when i was pregnant, i remember praying to hit the milestones without a hitch. ya know, the first ultrasound praying there would be a heartbeat. the 20 week ultrasound where you still hoped there would be a heartbeat as well as a healthy baby. 28 weeks.. knowing there was a chance of being viable. 34 weeks knowing your child has a strong chance. 37 weeks.. being full term and getting so excited. praying for 10 fingers and 10 toes as well as good apgar results.

what they fail to mention in the pregnancy books is that the worry doesn't stop at birth. it only multiplies from there. i remember luke having health problems; constant projectile vomit at every meal. countless doctor's appointments. then the diabetic test. the blood draws. the cystic fibrosis test. on pins and needles for results. i remember when we realized he had an eye that was misshapen; the doctor telling us that at least it was reacting to light but only time would tell if it was cosmetic or not. (note- he still has this misshapen eye.. an ophthalmologist should be consulted although kiddo can see)

then he headed to school a few weeks ago. i find myself questioning if he is where he should be mentally. i mean, he's smart. he can beat up to world 5 on mario brothers.. but he can't follow direction. is it affiliated with his eye? is it some form of dyslexia? what is it?

the problem is.. he is SO painfully shy. if he isn't understanding something, he will be the last to tell the teacher. he came home with homework a few days ago; just a test to see where he lies with his IQ. one of the questions said "tell your child to put a book in the middle of the table" i did. he didn't understand where the middle was. then it said "put a book between the couch cushions" .. he sorta understood this. lastly, "tell your child to put the book under a table." he didn't understand that at all. things like "end" or "beginning" have no meaning to him. you can point in an object's direction and he won't understand. in soccer, he didn't understand blocking the ball from going into the net although the other children seemed to get it. maybe i'm being overly worried. i'm' not sure. i just know that i'm concerned.

i've always been the type that would never use ADD/ADHD medication unless it was truly truly truly needed. as in.. a brain test or something measurable. so, i'm not going there. but..


ideas? thoughts?

9/11.

i plucked a gray hair from my scalp tonight while doing my nightly bedtime routine. i call that gray hair luke. i guess i'm getting old. one- because i found a gray hair and two- because i have a bedtime routine. in a few short weeks, my 10 year high school reunion will take place. where has the time gone?

i look back at being 17 almost 18.. 9/11 happened my senior year. i was in graphics class with ms. mitchell. everyone stared at the tv screen completely captivated with what was happening. and then the second plane hit. of course, living in a huge military town, everyone "heard" the terrorists would hit our town because we have the biggest air force base. rumors are funny with how fast they spread. our classes were on lock down. the base was on lock down. parents couldn't reach their kids by phone. it was a surreal nightmare.

i remember coming home to my mom in a trance with the tv blaring. it is like the day stood still. can you believe it will be 10 years in a few weeks? wow. it still seems just like yesterday. one of those memories you'll always remember where you were.

checking in.

one full time job. one part time job. throw in tuesday and thursday soccer practice for little dude. school online (average of three papers due weekly). oh.. being a mom. etc. that's my life. i do it because i choose to. for my son. for myself. i try not to complain. really. but good grief, i'm exhausted. mentally and physically. however, working 60+ hours a week has given me more energy. does that make sense? i'm waking up at 6am and working until five on most days, 10pm on others .. yet... i feel like i can tackle the global health problems or something. what gives? again, i can't complain. i'm feeling so much better about myself as well. i guess making more money and having a 5 o'clock pm off time really makes me feel grown up for something. and really, having my life so planned to the minute has made me happy that i'm single.

anyway. i promise a good post on the latest this weekend. (ya know, on my one off day- sunday!)

xo

...really?

after a long night of congestion, i woke up to this:

i guess after i actually look at that awful picture, i realize it isn't as noticeable as it is in person. anyway, i've got pink eye. good grief. so. the list adds up to- 102 degree fever, strep, ear infection, coughing, congestion, and pink eye. holy. crap.

and so, life goes on.

i'm alive. barely.

sorry friends. i disappeared. since working with the kiddos, i've had a 102 degree fever, tonsils aching, and some serious nasal congestion. i'm working through it. today was my first day off so i spent some much needed time in the bed asleep. thank God for my mom. have i said that lately?

in the teaching world, i have to say i am beginning to really enjoy it! i can't wait to build up my immune system though. and my boy is sick as well. darn those snotty children!

i'll be back soon when i deflate my head. just letting you few out there that email me know that i am in fact alive!

pray for us and our health. thanks guys :)

xo