thoughts on this, that, and the other.

i just have a few things i've really been thinking about lately to share with you fine people.. (aka all 14 that read this daily!). sometimes when i get an idea, i write it down.  usually the little scrap piece of paper gets lost in my horrendous car or my crumb-filled bed. hey, whatever! it's mine. you don't have to deal with it. lately, i've had plenty of time on my hands as i haven't made it see my good friend's baby that was born this week, i haven't seen my bfflz in months, big c clearly isn't talking to me.. so what else do i have to do but think and over-analyze and make this the longest run on sentence in history?

some pondering.

there's no getting around it; couples fight. we all have that moment when it hits us that we've entered into a relationship knowing roughly as much about our soul mate as mia farrow did in rosemary's baby. but i do enjoy knowing that if i've decided to use that so-small clutch that only carries my license it in it, i do have a keeper of my wallet, cards, kleenex, pen, and anything else i may need in my other half. i like knowing that if something happens to me, they could be capable of picking up my life or deciding whether to pull the plug. or if i get hurt, they are there to pick me up. anyway, the point is, at the end of the day, it's good to have somebody. .. but finding that somebody is another story. 

sometimes i worry that we've all become workaholics- because getting through life can be really hard work. but we need to log off, go home, and remember what it is to have dinner, conversation, and sex... not necessarily in that order.

when someone ignores you or doesn't treat you as you deserve to be treated but you can't cut ties because they are the best thing since sliced bread.. and maybe.... just maybe.. they will wake up and realize what a huge mistake they've made.. and they send you flowers or a letter in the mail professing their love and their stupidity.. wake up! (this is a note to self) i always find myself in this situation.  did i lose self respect?  it's not whether somebody loves you, it's how he treats you that counts. am i afraid to be alone? or maybe i woke up one morning at 27 looking at my life and how the past four years had passed by..  and my energy and confidence went with it? 

and lastly.. i came across this. and since i've decided to give all of my issues to God (who has thrown me a curve ball today), i will leave you with this poem i read last night that i really need to adhere to.

but now i know the things i know,

and do the things i do,

and if you do not like me so,

to hell, my love, with you!

clever, right? ..  

ps- sorry family members, i mentioned sex. we all know i have an illegitimate child so there should be no secrets, right? :)


oh, and if we are keeping track .. it has been 19 days since i've laid eyes on big c. 19 whole days.. and i dont even remember the last time i was at his house. weirdly, i miss the smell of his bathroom after he has been in the shower, most of all.