be intentional.

i was thinking yesterday about how differently parenting has become since having a cell phone became a necessity. i remember when i was growing up and  my mom's friend would call. i would get so disappointed because i knew that meant my mom would be on the phone for an hour.. at least.  it seemed like an eternity back then; her sitting in her chair.. talking.. and not paying attention to us. i grew resentment for her friend, "julie" (as it appeared on caller id).

now i think about the average usage of my cell phone activity. true, i don't actually talk on the phone much.. but i do check facebook, emails, pinterest (isn't that a time-sucker??), etc. i rarely even text these days.. but the amount of time i am scrolling through tmz or searching for random crap,  i could be giving my little dude my undivided attention.

i have always been proud of how well my main squeeze plays by himself. he's a true "only child" in that respect. he's happy to get his mario dolls and make them fight and have conversations. he's always been independent. but have i made him that way by making him second priority to my friend's status updates? although a bitter pill to swallow, i could answer that with a  "probably". how unfortunate.

i remember him being born-- fresh and asian-looking-- like it was yesterday. he will be SIX next month. this is time i will never get back. it goes by so fast. too fast.  i wonder what he will think when he looks back on his childhood. what he'll think of me. will he remember that i was glued to my phone while he repeated what he wanted to say multiple times to get my attention? will he remember that i answered his questions or commented on his stories with vague "oh cool"'s? barely there?

i need to be more intentional. i know that kids are tiring. i would rather read facebook than play. playing is not fun to me. it's annoying. . and really boring. but if it's what luke wants to do, why not suck it up? put down the phone.. and be intentional with my time. show him that he's my world (like i feel that he is my world). show him how much i really, genuinely love him. how i really am interested in what he has to say.

so here's to unplugging once in a while. and by one in a while, keeping my phone handy but reserving a time when luke is asleep to catch up on the "gossip" that has become the everyday world.  he's only my little dude for so long. one day he'll be someone else's dude. i need to show him his first love; his mom.