discipline.

a little part of me gets aggravated when others discipline my child.
especially when they don't understand how he works...

not saying the kid doesn't deserve discipline;
i'd just like to teach people how to talk to him.

health scare number 584 of the year.

hello there, loyal readers. i apologize once again for my absence.

i have an excuse. i promise. 

my kiddo was feeling a little under the weather two weeks ago but i promised him a trip to the national fair. before we left, he threw up. weird, i thought. he never vomits. so i decided to stop in at a medstop to let the doctor take a gander. 

yikes.

there, his pulse ox was 85! yes, 85 at four years old. major concern. so after a chest xray confirming what we thought, to the ER we went. his lungs presented a dark spot.. maybe signifying pneumonia so we wanted answers. fast.

at the ER, he continued having problems moving air in his lungs. he had 2 blood gases drawn (super painful in the artery).. they confirmed a major issue with the gas exchange in his lungs. basically, his oxygenated blood was mixing with his deoxygenated blood. no bueno.  he was placed on 50% oxygen but this didn't increase his pulse ox. after a while, he was placed on 100% o2 and an ambulance ride later, arrived at the local children's hospital. there we spent two nights. grueling nights. you.can.not.sleep. in the hospital. luckily, i have amazing family to visit often and my mother who stayed with us those nights. 

in the end, it was confirmed to be mycoplasmal pneumonia .. and perhaps something else fueling the fire. but definitely mycoplasmal pneumonia. little guy was so puny, it was sad. 

we have since been discharged. as with most pneumonia, it will be a long road to recover 100%. breathing treatments and antibiotics for 14 days as well as regular checks with a pulse oximeter. he seems better. his personality is back. he has even started school again. we are just on high alert. no soccer (bummer!). no running. no outdoors fun. 

i could whine about my house and car being a complete wreck because we haven't had time to unpack or clean. i could cry because i had already used my time up for the last hospitalization so my next two paychecks will be nothing. and i guess by even mentioning it, i am. however, i am a firm believer that God does not give you more than he thinks you can handle. so i'm going to truck along in this messy environment, broke as a joke.. because you know what? the sacrifices are fine as long as my boy is with me. 

and also. thank you so much  to everyone for the prayers, calls, texts, emails, support in general. it was so humbling the people who reached out.  we really felt all of you prayers!

sickness, illness, and death.

yep. i have bronchitis. i can feel in the bases of my lung lobes.
my mom looks like she has thrush except it's actually strept throat.
did i mention we live together?
however, hallelujah. luke is well (fingers crossed, knock on wood, etc).

a guy i used to occasionally hang out with passed away.
his body was found in a cemetery this morning.
the cause of death is yet to be released.
but i heard it may have been a gun shot wound to the head.
so unfortunate.
i feel so sorry for his sister and family.

on a very different note.
there is a 13 year old girl i know who changed my life.
she had a 6 hour invasive surgery two days ago.
please pray that her spiking temperature isn't signs of pneumonia.


xo

AHH. BREATHE.

i'm falling behind on this here ole blog. actually, i'm falling behind on life in general.

i have many things to say.. i just do not have the time at the moment.

here are some highlights .. i'll elaborate later----

1. it is midnight. i got home from job numero dos at 11pm. being the procrastinator i am, i finished two papers before the midnight mark. because naturally, they were due at midnight.
2. i'm constantly exhausted.  i  am having  a hard time keeping my eyes open during the day.
3. after contemplating red bull, 5 hour energy, i'm still at a loss. i find myself drinking about 5 cokes a day.. and all of the brown mess is starting to make me feel like a slug.
4. most importantly, i forgot to mention that little dude's fever wouldn't go away after six days so.. he was hospitalized at a nearby children's hospital. this warranted 6 days absent from school. no worries, all i well now.
5. we gave away one of the puppies so far.
6. i got to speak with a child life specialist after said hospital stay. it was enlightening.. and one step closer to being in the profession i want to be in.
7. my mom has strep. i have.. something. bronchitis? i don't know. 
8. kid is good.
9. i miss my grandpa and mention him in my school papers all of the time.
10. i love my uncle john and everything he does for my little fam.
11. i need new shoes for dude. he outgrew his sandals.. in 3 months. major outgrew.
12. we started to take on learning our letters and the sounds they make.
13. i'm itching for new art projects. i've been feeling so creative.
14. one of my dearest friends, abby wilson, had invasive surgery today to extract some tumors from her lungs. i've been in prayer all day. won't you do the same? 

.... ummmmm

yes . more soon.

advice to newly single mamas.

what i have learned in the past 4 years:

- make sure you have wipes in your car and in your purse. .. you just never know. even past the age of diapers, there will be messes and you’re going to kick yourself if you don’t have them.

- use the first fews years to do what you want. do what YOU want to accomplished. this will change when it is your child’s turn to have a life. (ie- soccer games, school commitments, etc.) get everything out of your way before the age of 4. or be like me: online classes. they are fabulous.

- accept support and help! without my mom, aunts, cousin, and select few friends.. i don’t know what i’d do. it really does take a village to raise a child.. especially if you’re a single mom.

- take lots of self portraits with your child! if you don’t, you’ll never have pictures of yourself with your child. don’t think it’s silly; you just don’t have anyone to take them for you! i made it a tradition to take one a week when he was small. now we do them on major outings or special occasions.. like the first day of school.

- if the daddy isn’t involved, don’t sugar-coat it. they will ask. you just have to tell them the truth. this also goes without saying.. never badmouth your ex in front of your child. never.

- find a special place for just the two of you. “your space”. my son and i go to atlanta. it is 1.5 hours away. it is our place to go. only us. he thinks it is so special.

- when you do start dating, do.not. let your child meet every man you date. only the special ones. and only after you are truly certain they will be around for awhile. luke has met one man in 4 years.

- know that if and when you break up with someone, your child is breaking up with them as well. they will hurt right along with you.

- get a dependable car. seriously. you do not want to get stranded due to car problems. chances are, you don’t know how to fix the problem and without a manly man, the cost will be pricey. so bite the bullet. get something that will work and last.

  what about you other people out there? what advice do you have to share?

the greatest man i ever knew.

my grandpa was a special man. he was the only man i have known to actually be a man. he defended me against my own father before. he picked me up from school when i was young. we took walks together. we went to church, just he and i. he and i were members of the same church; the only two in our family. we had a special bond. i mean, i love all of my family.. but that man had a very special place in my heart. he was so proud of me for no reason. he would stand at the front door of the sanctuary of church with me and introduce me to the church body. he loved me. 

he knew i was strong before i knew i had it in me. he was a conservative southern baptist but do you know what he said when i told him i was pregnant out of wedlock? "it's going to be a boy!"  he was happy for me. i think he was happy to have his first great grandchild as well. 

i always said that he would be the man to give me away at my wedding. unfortunately, that day will never come as he passed away three years ago this past september 12th.  i remember him saying during some of his last words, "luke skywalker!".. and his eyes lit up as he was struggling to sustain consciousness. i love that man. 

today is his birthday. i wish so badly luke could have really known him. but in our own way, we make sure we speak to him every night. we say "God bless you, grandpa in heaven. Did you just burp?" ...and i know he is up  there wishing he could scrape his stubble across my face with his toothless grin and bear hug engulfing me. 

happy birthday, grandpa. i miss you and love you so much.

because luke insisted we have a birthday cake for him:

sorry for the picture quality; bad lighting in the kitchen 

and my phone doesn't take very good pictures!

ive gotta feeeevaaa!

the boy's fever is still there. spiking every few hours when the motrin or tylenol is wearing off. i'm getting cabin fever though i did go do some damage at the mall yesterday. however, when you spend a third of what the receipt says you saved.. well, that's accomplishment!  

i picked up some cupcakes at a new place in own. delicious! i figured the sweetness and color would lure luke in to eating some (kid loves cupcakes). no such luck. i guess his throat really does hurt that bad. boo. 

here is a little insight in the single mom (and i'm sure married moms experience this too) world: 

my child is going to be out of school for some days. how many that actually totals is unknown right now. his actual school excuse from the doctor says "luke t. was seen in our office on 9-16-11. may return to school on ___ blank". we just don't know. so disheartening. since today is sunday, i am faced with the uncertainty of the week ahead. no more putting it off. who is going to keep my child for me while i work? luckily, my amazing mom is off wednesday and thursday.. but what about monday, tuesday, and friday? i don't get paid for sick days at my new job. what am i going to do? 

the downside to being a single mom. no one to barter or compromise with. it is all on me. it is a big responsibility to ask someone to watch my child with mono. what to do. what to do.

...

doesn't fall make you want a significant other?