and the questions begin..

today was one of those days i cherish because it was just little dude and i. captain america came out last night in theaters so i knew that was on the agenda for the day. after a few rounds of wii games, we got our clothes on and headed to the new theater.  we had never been there so we decided to make it an adventure and try new things. the movie was good. luke loved it as i assumed he would. 

afterward, we made a quick walk next door to stevi b's. for those without them in your town, it is just a pizza buffet place that has an arcade room for kiddos to enjoy. it was a special treat for two reasons: luke has always been allergic to pizza but has recently been able to tolerate mozzarella and because the arcade has games and.. well, he is kinda obsessed with games at the moment. 

it was the first time i've seen him visibly upset without knowing why. i could see the wheels in his little brain turning and the saddest face ever.  i asked him, "why the sad face?" he asked me why his daddy didn't come to arcade with us. why his daddy didn't live with us.  it attacked my heart. i knew this day would come. i figured maybe after school started. just not today. today was a luke and mama day. it wasn't for sad faces and tough questions. but alas, it happened. i had to give an answer as the other dad's were helping their kids collect lots of tickets from the games they played.

first, i told him that some daddies and mamas just aren't "together". they don't live together. they don't kiss. but they still love their sons and daughters. they love hanging out with them and doing fun things. i told him i was sorry his daddy wasn't with him. that he couldn't come because he lived far away. but he'd see him another day and they could have fun then. he seemed okay with this answer however, i kept catching him staring at the other dads with their kids. so, what did i do? bought $5 more in tokens so we could get a really big special prize once we cashed them in. a present always works at age four, right? goodness.

it was sobering. i know that he loves me. he knows i care so much. he still calls us a "team". but i also realize he is getting to that age where he is aware of other relationships. he is aware of the "norm" (if having two parents together is the norm these days). soon, he will be in school (like. 2 weeks. boo) and have friends who have their own house with a mommy and daddy and a brother or sister. he will bring more than homework home, i'm sure. the questioning with ensue and i'm preparing for the "right" answer. i wish so badly he had a normal life. for now, here is to hoping i can be enough. 

. . til next time.