by myself.

oh, there is so much to say but i can't quite say it yet. in due time, of course.

a dear old friend is getting married soon. i'm so happy for her because she deserves all the good that comes to her however, i'm trying hard to not to feel sorry for myself. why am i sorry? i'm a decent person. i just haven't found that person or he hasn't found me yet. that's all. it just gets lonely more often than not. and sometimes it feels as though i'm being left behind.

i keep thinking of the memories i've made this year and how much i miss those that have gone. don't get me wrong, i'm pretty sure i'm well on my way to being almost over big c but sometimes i miss the good times. maybe just the companionship; the extra hand in this silly life.

in hindsight, i think j was placed in my life to allow me to have a good time on vacation. it allowed me to move on from big c. there was never anything there with j, i know. too many red flags from the get go but oh goodness, i'd like someone to get excited about. someone to pass my day by texting. or the anticipation of seeing. oh well. it will come in it's own time.

feeling slightly -by myself- today. i'm not though; my main squeeze is watching endless hours of spiderman on dvd. i can always hop in bed with him!