hiatus.

if you are a paying member of match.com, don't go on there looking for friendship. it is misleading. friendship with the intent to date, ok. i get that. but just to be emotionless friends? gag me. spare me. save my time for someone worthwhile. don't send text messages about being drawn to me, interested in me, hoping to love my child as you love yours one day. however. not wanting  relationship right now. i do get that. i wouldn't date someone emotionally unavailable. trust me. i've done it. i'm not a rebound. i won't be a rebound again. i have been with someone who needed an ear to heal their broken heart. i can't be that anymore. especially with a child.  you want to be open with your intentions and you want to talk about secrets. and send pictures. and talk about only things i open up to some people; but emotions were involved? i'm sorry, did i miss something? we talked for 3 hours on the phone? i suppose that was all me. you asked questions to understand me. you wanted to know everything. i told you mostly. i listened as you spoke. we went out of town. spent three days together. we were just friends. dates? no way. but let me meet someone on a blind date. that is a date. yes, who cares about you i've told some of my soul to. who i've hung out with and discussed everything with. those weren't dates. you weren't a date! but let me be set up with someone i don't even know. that is a date.  and then. let me walk out with said date, wave (sorta) as i get out as fast as i can, and turn off my cell phone.. because God knows.. you may text me because you are hurt. or maybe i've got to be on my date. 

you know what? i cared. i wasn't sure. but i did care. and i'm so tired of crying. TIRED.

so, i've deleted my match.com account. it won't delete officially until the end of july. but it's deleted to me. i'm done looking. i'm done wasting my time on people that don't really give a crap. it hurts me. it hurts my parenting. i'm on hiatus again. i am. really.