18.

dear 18-year-old self, 

you think you're invincible. maybe you are. you have a boyfriend who really freakin' loves you, you're finally getting straight a's, you've got an awesome car, your parents are together, and you're getting out of high school soon. your mom is your enemy because she totally doesn't understand you so your dad and you are best friends. only, he shows his love by buying you things. that is what matters, right?

just know that life isn't always so easy. your boyfriend who would do anything imaginable for you, you will throw away because you just *need* someone who lives in your town rather than bettering them self at college. you'll jump right into the next relationship with your boss who you try to convince yourself you love although, your heart was left with your high school sweetheart. you'll try to break it off multiple times only to keep taking him back because you feel bad. 

this will end. of course. you'll make out with his roommate because that's the classy thing to do. however, you'll have tons of fun with your partner in crime- special k- and bask in the attention of multiple men who admire you. life is good on the weekends when you party it up with your under age friends. you'll throw up black stuff and not remember much from those nights.. but that's living the good life, right?

you'll finish up two years at a local college and decide you need a bigger life; lets try atlanta! so, just as you are considering your move to a big university in a big town, you reconnect with a friend with a broken heart. long drives at 3am are starting to make it difficult to leave for another town but you try to make yourself think it will work.  you have to heal his broken heart and he'll come around in the process to wanting you more than a friend. or does he? sure, we'll tell our self. 

you move. to atlanta. the city of your dreams. you get on your myspace account and try to make friends. you make one and you guys have some fun. you work at a cool record company and meet famous people on the daily. your heart is still in middle georgia. is it worth it? you move home. 

the relationship is unhealthy. you slightly resent the idea of coming home for a guy. your brother flips his truck and your dad has a heart attack the day you are going to tell him you are pregnant. deferred. you and the relationship ended many times before. but now for good. you're at home, pregnant, and with one friend.

this isn't the life you signed up for. you cry yourself to sleep every night. then you find your dad cheating on your mom. at 8 months pregnant, he moves out. he has a girlfriend from myspace in another state. it makes your relationship with your mom so much closer. it gets ugly. he breaks into your house, steals your brother's truck, and ruins your belongings. he yells at you in the cul-de-sac in front of all of your neighbors. he yells "f- you and your bastard child".. while cleaning out your house. 

meanwhile, you have a great job, a great friend, and a healthy child on the way. you give birth. your dad breaks into the delivery room while you are unconscious. why did you even invite him to the birth after everything? because you have a heart.

the divorce becomes final. he moves halfway across the country. your son adores you. you ward off relationships for four years. you jump into online dating and actually have success with big c. you try your best to give your all. he starts to pull away and you FREAK out. daddy issues. once again. how dare someone push me away? the relationship ends. 

your hours at work have been cut to only work 12-15 hours. you struggle. you join online school to finish a degree.

you gain strength. you take a trip to clear your mind. and again, your son adores you.

sincerely, 

your 27-year-old self

ps dear 18 year old self- you will gain weight. you will weigh over 120 pounds. deal with it. life is too short to count carbs.

this is where i am today.