and so.

• boy meets girl. girl falls in love. boy doesn't.
• this is not a love story. this is a story about love.

most days of the year are unremarkable. they begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. most days have no impact on the course of a life.

i can tell you the first time i saw his face.  i knew he was different. a special person to me. i had never met anyone like him. he was  genuinely a good person. i knew one day i'd make him mine and i wouldn't want to look back.  his white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. his khaki pants. it was chilly night. i didn't think i had ever dated someone who wore khaki pants. i liked that he was different. i was ready to find out more about him. i wanted to know everything. you know when you just have that instant connection? i thought he felt it too. i made sure to wear my form-fitting skinny jeans. after all, i wanted to impress him.

the conversation at dinner flowed perfectly. it was the fastest meal i can remember. i didn't want it to end. i remember feeling a twinge of sadness for the woman at the table next to us. she as alone. eating alone at a restaurant. for the first time, i was in the company of someone who 'got' me.  we left, he changed my headlights in the cold parking lot. the literal headlights, of course. never had i had a blown headlight. he jumped right in in that white shirt. i didn't want to leave and i hinted that i might want him to go with me to the store. he didn't get the hint. that's ok, there were plenty more times to meet. 

he seemed interested. he listened to what i said. he was apologetic and honest. he was loyal way before he ever had to be. i knew i was in the presence of someone real. someone i could be with. 'the one'. maybe. just hours before that meeting, i was a cynical and bitter girl. he changed that for me.

 i only wish that i had known may 8th would be the last day i'd see him. it was such a good day. full of sarcasm, appreciation, and fun. we got each other. if i had known i'd never see him again, i would have made that day even more special. i would have savored it longer. i would have smelled him in so i wouldn't forget. 

these days i can't seem to remember his face. only glimpses when i think of the times we had together. his face on those rides at the cherry blossom festival with L. he had so much fun. he was protective of my child. we were his priority that day. or when we were sweating profusely at rose hill. with death around us, i had never felt so alive.  luke was growing comfortable. splashing in the creek at the park. he sat beside as we watched my crazy child in only his underwear running through the water. at the zoo. only a week before it was over. i enjoyed watching him take pictures. to see him do what he is passionate about made me happy. to catch that picture of the reclusive tiger meant the world. he dealt with luke's tired-induced tantrum with ease. when we parted at his mom's house that night, that hug i will remember. after spending the whole weekend together, it was so hard to let go. 

what is so bad is all i have left are memories. i didn't want to let go then, i didn't want to let go now.