lately.

some things i've been thinking about lately: 

my hair is falling out in large quantities every time i shower. i'm constantly tired to the point that getting out of bed is a chore. literally. it isn't depression; i'm not depressed. it's my thyroid. my fillings are falling out of my teeth. i just don't know. i don't know how much longer i can go without insurance. i'm thinking a private policy may be worth it.

that relationship really wrecked me. it wrecked me for a while. it showed me that the guy i've dreamt of exists. the guy that tells his friends about you. the guy that writes little notes and leaves them for you. who says i love you so much and puts the emphasis on the "so". i was broken. i was bitter. then i got over it. i laugh again and listen to "our song" without getting sad. i moved on. not on to someone else. i just let it go. i moved on and away. 

i need to see butch walker live again. soon. is he ever going to play shows again? goodness. it makes me heart happiest when i see him live.

my child is growing up before my eyes. i'm missing so much by being away in during the week. i try not to think of it so much because it'd only make me sad. he's always saying or doing something new every weekend i see him. i love the person he's becoming.

i'm at a school i've always dreamt of and i can't seem to be exceptional at what i do. it's really hurting my feelings. why am i not top notch? why are others better? i've never been one to compare myself.. but lately i've just been feeling like maybe i'm not enough. i need to put in extra time to the homework. but how? .. i never have a day off.

and lastly.

i'm beyond grateful for my friends. i've only had good, true friends come a couple of times in my adult life. without the people i go to school with, school wouldn't be possible. i love them. i do. and my mom. i always talk about how much that woman means. words don't and will never do it justice. her.. and my family. (especially samantha.)

good night friends.

some pictures as of late.

rising up. but unfortunately, they lost :(

luke and i's date ended with the same fortune.

my mom's birthday. and her mama. 

love these ladies.

when i get home from atlanta, all i want to do

is squeeeeealll really loud. but he's always asleep.

so, i spoon him.

i got a new app that i've been playing with. 

i like the filters.

someone knitted a scarf for me!

dude got a hair cut. how freaking old does he look?

he's so gorgeous.

someone asked for a side to side picture of us.

i seriously love this child.

he's my favorite human being.

ben tins wedding pictures.

these pictures are of my circus friends and i. they were taken the day after my birthday (28th).. at ben tins' wedding. we had so. much. fun! i love these people!

i made a bike!

i made this entirely in html/css. it isn't an image when it's live. YES!

(and yes, it IS green glitter.. i want this bike!)

anyhow, school this quarter started last week and i'll say.. it's going to be so much more time consuming/difficult than last quarter. holy -javascript - batman! HOWEVER, i'm getting so much closer to my goal of getting that good paying job.. and i can really see the light at the end of the tunnel. or whatever. cliches annoy me.

my heart is good.

my child is good.

we've both been relatively healthy. (well, luke was almost hospitalized a few weeks ago.. but he's much better).

i've made luke a deal. if he learns to read, he can get his own computer.  i know that sounds extreme and expensive.. but let me say. the kid can do math better than anyone in his class however, when it comes to learning sight words? he could care less. he thinks it's boring and trying to get him to read a book ? he cries. like i'm killing him.. he cries.

so. bribing him to learn to read? perfect. and anyway, reading will take another year or so (plenty of time to save up) AND he'll have to have a computer the way the school system is these days anyway. so, win win. 

good day.

new years resolutions.

1. finish the circus.  hopefully around 5th quarter. i'm entering 3rd quarter now.. so we will see! this is super exciting to me..
2. get a good paying job. enough to begin paying off debt and owning a place for luke and i. 
3. be better with money. save save save. dave ramsey.
4. move out/move away. this is contingent on finishing the circus and finding the good paying job. hopefully an opportunity will open up for me in richmond, va. ooo i hope so.
5. be healthier. eat healthier, drink water, drink only 1 coke a day. i think this will help my thyroid stabilize and my hair grow back in.
6. try embracing being a lady. ie- wearing earrings and frilly stuff. maybe even wedges?
7. be happy. try new things.

there.