i'm the type of person who is an open book. i don't mind sharing every detail of my life (until things get hairy- ie- the mass text i sent to family and friends telling them i absolutely did not want to discuss the BIG C break up). i'm trying to conceal identities for those guilty innocent people in my life.
BIG C= the first boy i fell for after becoming someone's mama. actually, he isn't a boy at all. he's a man. the true first man i've ever dated. see how i did that? brilliant.
LITTLE DUDE= i affectionately call my 3 foot main squeeze.
BFFLZ= because 'z' makes it so much cooler and takes me back to high school. fo realz. lylas. this is the girl i trust with my son -God forbid- anything happened to my momz or I. that 'z' thing is so gangster.
SD= well, it means sperm donor. and i don't mean the man that is my father. i mean little dude's pop. we get along most days, actually.
like my key? what a clever, super cute thing to do.
so, lets get this party started.
pardon my emotional mess yesterday. it happens. i could tell you the complete sob story of my dad, brother, and SD abandoning me. hell, some it has been my fault. i get it though: men hate me. there, i said it.
i think i threaten men. i wish i could take everything they say for face value. it would make my life a lot less messy i'm sure. i just can't. i was blessed/cursed with woman's intuition. i always find out.
so really. i need to conceal my 'crazy' more. or just let the beast never rear its ugly head. it can scare people away who haven't seen that side of me. *ahem* i have a fear that i won't ever be loved. my father told me i'd never be loved because i won't allow people to. he says i'm awful in relationships and i treat people like crap. so, in an effort to show that i was devastated from the downfall with the BIG C, i put up my walls. i threw around a lot of f-bombs.. and sobbed uncontrollably. like.. ugly cry. it wasn't pretty.
alas, i am a mom and i have to scrape myself out of the bed at some point. i have a life to take care of other than my own. i also needed to do some apologizing to those i freaked out. (sorry!!!) i'm really not crazy. there are just a few things to know. yep, i come with a disclaimer.
oh. by the way. in the world of little dude. he went for his first swim this afternoon in our pool. i haven't had to buy shorts or swim trunks since he was born. the kid doesn't gain weight. i'm proud- and embarrassed- to say. . . he wore a SIX MONTHS size swim suit today. seriously?! i do feed the kid, DFACS. i do.
ps-
casey anthony is an awful, awful person and i'd really like to see due justice.
BIG C= the first boy i fell for after becoming someone's mama. actually, he isn't a boy at all. he's a man. the true first man i've ever dated. see how i did that? brilliant.
LITTLE DUDE= i affectionately call my 3 foot main squeeze.
BFFLZ= because 'z' makes it so much cooler and takes me back to high school. fo realz. lylas. this is the girl i trust with my son -God forbid- anything happened to my momz or I. that 'z' thing is so gangster.
SD= well, it means sperm donor. and i don't mean the man that is my father. i mean little dude's pop. we get along most days, actually.
like my key? what a clever, super cute thing to do.
so, lets get this party started.
pardon my emotional mess yesterday. it happens. i could tell you the complete sob story of my dad, brother, and SD abandoning me. hell, some it has been my fault. i get it though: men hate me. there, i said it.
i think i threaten men. i wish i could take everything they say for face value. it would make my life a lot less messy i'm sure. i just can't. i was blessed/cursed with woman's intuition. i always find out.
so really. i need to conceal my 'crazy' more. or just let the beast never rear its ugly head. it can scare people away who haven't seen that side of me. *ahem* i have a fear that i won't ever be loved. my father told me i'd never be loved because i won't allow people to. he says i'm awful in relationships and i treat people like crap. so, in an effort to show that i was devastated from the downfall with the BIG C, i put up my walls. i threw around a lot of f-bombs.. and sobbed uncontrollably. like.. ugly cry. it wasn't pretty.
alas, i am a mom and i have to scrape myself out of the bed at some point. i have a life to take care of other than my own. i also needed to do some apologizing to those i freaked out. (sorry!!!) i'm really not crazy. there are just a few things to know. yep, i come with a disclaimer.
- i am a planner. i love a plan. this comes with being a mom. my days usually have some sort of flow. i don't deal well with the unexpected. (not to be confused with change. i will embrace change as it comes. i am actually ready for a change.)
- i hate being ignored. please, send a respectful message telling me to jump off of a bridge.. but do not ignore me. (see- daddy issues)
- i have been in excruciating pain for the past three weeks. this means i've consumed 4 bottles (literally) of ibuprofen to get through the day. i'm not a pill popper. i actually hate pain medicine. when i say pain, it has been ROUGH. lately i've been having a hard time getting out of bed because of the pain shooting through my mouth, ear canal, and to my head. lets say.. sometimes i wish i was pushing out a kid instead. (root canal booked for 10:45am tomorrow)
- number 3 being said, i haven't been myself lately. i've been on the verge of murdering an innocent bystander because they were talking too much. i have been telling my child things like 'whisper' or 'please stop talking so i can think'. i never say things like this. so, i apologize. i will contribute the lapse in proper composure slightly due to this.
oh. by the way. in the world of little dude. he went for his first swim this afternoon in our pool. i haven't had to buy shorts or swim trunks since he was born. the kid doesn't gain weight. i'm proud- and embarrassed- to say. . . he wore a SIX MONTHS size swim suit today. seriously?! i do feed the kid, DFACS. i do.
ps-
casey anthony is an awful, awful person and i'd really like to see due justice.
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