Wednesday, July 6, 2011

working on anger.

Ephesians 4:26
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.

in light of recent events involving family and those close to me, i've been cultivating some serious anger. sometimes, rather than being simply hurt, i become angry. after all, how dare someone take the words i speak and change them to what they want to hear?

i've had family issues with a particular member in the past but i've always had the rest of my family to lean on as they have always had my back. i've always bragged on how close my family is; how we always see each other every sunday for dinner. truthfully, i don't know how to handle the arguing that is going on.

i'm typically not a preachy person. those people have always ignited a fire in me. i don't think that acting as though you are better than someone is ever a good thing when you are trying to witness. i don't quote bible verses but i always pray. ever since i've had another life to take care of .. have i prayed. how can i not?
lately, the prayer is the same. maybe i need to do a little work on being more conservative with my feelings. not always letting everyone hear how i feel. stop being so opinionated or just keeping those opinions inside. but i have been that person. i was that person for 23 years. eventually all of that bottled up emotion will spew out on the wrong person. then who is right? not me.
it isn't actually about being right and wrong. we all have our opinions. i feel that if you voice it, you should know that you'll have to hear a rebuttal or two and take it for what it is worth. you have to take what you dish. some people just aren't capable of that. i'm guilty sometimes. ..
all of this is to say that i wish my family would go back to being what we were. i've said my apologizes for my wrong doings.. but i don't think it is all my fault. i don't want to be one of those people that has the family they only see at holidays. sunday dinner is my favorite day of the week usually. i have decided to take a few weeks off from sunday dinner though. maybe for the better. let everyone cool their jets. hopefully, the reunion will be worth the while.
and on a positive note.
i don't ever talk about her because she is a pretty private person.. but i absolutely love my cousin S. that girl has done so much for me and my son. she watches him at the drop of a hat.. for mostly no pay. i struggle with that thought. i so wish i could give her more.. and when i get this good job after my degree, i know indebted to her for a little while. (thanks for being sane. i really appreciate and love you)
and again.
i have so many opinions on the casey anthony trial. i've been following since day one. all i will say is this: that poor child needs justice and i hope that one day, she will get just that.

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