Sunday, July 3, 2011

i'm baaack.

i guess going on vacation is going on vacation from life. we all need that sometimes, right? but alas, i'm back now. to reality. with a broken motor to the window in my car. the darn thing broke in south georgia on my way home from florida yesterday. $300 to fix the thing. yikes! but lets not focus on the negative.

the trip was better than i had imagined. we tried new things, went new places, and experienced a few firsts for luke. i made a few hole-in-one's while playing putt putt and still lost. incredible. i never said sports was my forte anyway!

my beautiful friend kristina entered marriage yesterday. she looked gorgeous and i can't think of anyone more deserving of such a thing. it did prompt an emotion i wasn't expecting though.

i will never have a wedding. i don't mind the marriage part of it. i like a little officiality in my life. however, the act of spending lots of money to profess my love for someone in front of people and being the center of attention is not something that sounds appealing. i hate being the center of attention. i'm not a good hostess so the idea of "mingling" with guests to make sure you show your face and appreciation is something that is hive-inducing. i can understand why women love this idea. honestly, i'd love to dress up fancy shamancy and be with the one i love however, the money.. the attention. it just isn't something i think i'm capable of doing!

don't get me wrong. i want to be in love with someone. i want to find that someone i can't wait to see again and the thought of being apart makes me hurt. i like the idea of marriage and the paper and the binding. i hope one day i'm able to experience that. i hope i'm able to supply my son with someone who will be there daily. a man that loves him. a relationship i can model out of love that he can learn from.

maybe one day i'll be so lucky. wouldn't it be amazing to that reciprocated? ah! i can only dream.

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