purging.

well, i did it. i purged. not the i'm-bulimic-and-i'm-making-myself-throw-up type of purge. no no. i did something so much harder: i cleaned out my car. we are taking my car to florida so it was time. it was past time. yes, a slushie luke drank a few weeks ago and spilled.. and didn't tell me about.. had congealed inside the cup holder. what used to be a red, cherry slushie was now an odd shade of green. hmm. maybe i shouldn't trust my 4-year-old to tell on himself? lesson learned.

i have put off purging because that would require throwing away some of the things from the relationship with big c. i had to do it though. it was time. baby steps. 

i threw away the map of the zoo from our trip. i threw away the envelopes with "m" on them for his last name that contained the shirts from our walk for abby. i didn't throw away the shirts, of course. i love abby too much. they're getting washed. 

i had to sift through the pictures, curtains, a cork board, and various other  things i collected for our move in july. obviously that isn't happening but i still like the things i bought so maybe one day they will be put to use. 

i finally cleared out all of the toys little dude took to big c's mom's house for that weekend. see? i didn't even unpack some bags from that era. oh well.

i won't say that i feel relieved. unfortunately, i relived all of the memories again but it is what it is. cleaning out the clutter from someone else. 

maybe one day i won't have to get rid of stuff from a failed relationship. 

maybe the next relationship won't have an end.